Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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