3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
