A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
