i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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