So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize