final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
