Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
