You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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