shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
