so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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