Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
