Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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