i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So many bounce houses so little time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
