She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
