so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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