Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Soap is not a condiment
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
