Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Umm I'm too high to move.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
