I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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