he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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