don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
