Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
