he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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