I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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