Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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