I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize