tequila makes me forget i have legs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
