It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
