a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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