They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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