Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
