I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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