i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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