if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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