So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
