you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
