Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
