she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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