dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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