how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
