i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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