why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
