Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
