what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
