I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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