Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
