He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
