You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i dont even know how to be here
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
