Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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