I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My vagina just recognized that song.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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