So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I smell stomach acid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
