she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize