You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
