Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
