She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
