3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
