the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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