And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
