he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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