I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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