He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
