mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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