Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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