Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
