I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
