I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
