We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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