I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
