I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
