She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
