why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
