He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
