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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
