Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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