Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize