Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
