I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
