A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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