Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
