I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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