Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
