me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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