My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
