You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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