Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
