the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
