He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
