I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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