shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize