Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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