Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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