I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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